Desperation or Desire

Sooooo can I be real? Like really real? i feel like my blogs have been cute, fun, self developing with an after school special kinda feel. Ok. So I’m in my groove of the blogs I’m writing and expressing how I feel so Imma take it up a notch and take the gloves off. Okkkk. Y’all with me?????

What are our true feelings when it comes to love? Is it desire or is it some desperation up in there?

Now, talk amongst yourselves at the water cooler, bar or wherever but be real with yourself. Sooooo I’m noticing a trend and I don’t particularly like the shit. This is my story so let me tell it.

Well as you all know I’m single. 😐🙄 Buttttt I’ve been in a relationship or 12 so I’ve surely experienced some things.

woman like man, man says he likes woman. things are cool. The vibes are there everything is flowing. you know what you want you done declared it to Jesus and all. You got your ish together and then you meet homeboy and you start seeing things you dont like or begin to tolerate things about him.

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now you even mention these things with no changed behavior. time has moved along. The season has changed a couple times and he’s still around. You’re looking at this relationship and it’s kinda what you want but it has POTENTIAL so you stick it out.

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the desire is still there and you do love him. But the energy isn’t giving what it’s supposed to be gave. You feel things are off but you don’t quite know what. You’ve asked everyone and their momma what they think of homeboy and they state “he’s ok”. overall, people seem to like him. but Even though you can’t quite validate this feeling you have you know it’s something but you stick with it because now your time is really invested. You’re really in love. And it’s no longer about your desires and what you deserve you’re there because you know what, you’ll be damned if you let the next one swoop right in and get what you know is yours. You getting that ring and all.

pause ⏸

are you and this person even on the same page. Hell the same book. Does he want what you want? A ring? Marriage? Kids? Same lifestyle? Hell what do you even share and have compatible anymore?

You. Find. Yourself. Just. Being. There.

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now the desire is Tuh nonexistent. You’re growing antsy and bitter at times because you don’t understand whats wrong or where it went wrong? the smartest of us know the moment it went wrong because we have proof of the exact time and place and pull up our receipts. Y’all have the talks but it’s meh. It’s falling on deaf ears. You don’t even know what you want anymore. You do but you don’t. You’ve compromised it because you want to be happy and you don’t want to argue. You stay because you’ve put the time in. you dont even know what all that time even means anymore. The relationship isnt bad, it’s ok, but you don’t feel fulfilled because he’s getting exactly what he wanted. meanwhile you feel stuck. He loves you, or at least he says he does and it’s just not enough anymore. you stay and you find yourself wondering what’s next and do I want to start over? Can I start over? Dating these days sucks and I’m not bout that life.

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He dangles all the right carrots. you even demand the further commitment. he gives you the you ain’t going no where spiel. You grow in frustration. But silently keep going.

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ill stop the story here. Because this is what we do. Oh I’m sorry this isn’t your life? Ok, well maybe this sermon isn’t for you. But there may be a couple who can relate. This is where we go wrong. Man or woman. You CANNOT settle. we find ourselves growing complacent knowing what we want. Or do we? do we spend the time the cultivate the self awareness to declare this is what I want for myself, my life, me in relationship, my future? most of us do have plans. We have goals and we check them off. Often times we fall short in the love department because we aren’t as assertive when it comes to matters of the heart, expressing deal breakers, our wants and needs, and who we are. That’s important.

Lets be real ass real again, we are so quick to get the 🍑 or 🍆 chile by the time you think about priorities and whats important they done got you whipped and dickstracted and you can’t think straight. You can but you know what I mean, it’s not as clear as it was initially.

Where are we falling short? is it in the communication? Or is it we just want to have a piece of what feels like a relationship that we cling to the attention

we’re receiving because it feels good. And don’t get me wrong chile I’m an attention whore in relationships okkkk. Give me all your attention zaddy 😆 but are we losing ourselves in the process because what we want isn’t matching what we are getting?!?!?!

we can’t be so desperate for attention and love we miss the whole point of dating and getting to know someone.

Im dropping these ideas and statements not because I’m being an asshole and want to get all in your business like I’m spilling tea on my best girlfriend. Well sorta. I’m telling you my experiences that I’ve noticed over time.

No one is perfect or exempt from the pitfalls of relationship woes. I’m here to help the next receive what they want and avoid the stupid shit.

here are some tips to cut to the chase

1. stop downplaying what you want

2. know what you want so that you can recognize what you don’t want

3. be specific

4. communicate

5. Listen. Yes communication means to verbalize things, but do you also listen? are you paying attention to what’s happening around you. Stay present.

6. trust your Damn Gut. You’re not crazy But they ass may be. The gut and your intuition never lead you wrong you just don’t want to trust what you know is right because it could mean a different set of choices to make.

7. Don’t be desperate, people take advantage of that.

8. Really get to know people you’re dating and in relationship with. i cant stress this enough.

9. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, but if it’s broke, can’t be fixed or it’s looking real it’s not giving what needs to be given, thennnnn you know where you stand.

10. make sure you get the relationship that you both deserve. you both deserve happiness. Go get that shit, just be smart About it.

11. I would also like to add, make room for what you want. It’s self explanatory. Do the work to heal. Clear up the loose ends. get rid of the red tape so ppl are running into your mess and believe ppl when they tell you what’s going on with them. the same thing that attracted you gone end up getting on your damn nerves bc you thought they would change. Cause when did that become the norm. Lol. we tell ourselves some stuff don’t we?

regardless of age or gender, we deserve to experience happiness. You have to believe you can have it and be willing to express your standards as it relates to your needs & let it fall in line.

until next time,

xoxoxo💋

Confidently Chris10