Matters of the Mind and Why They Matter

Mindfulness Matters - I didn't wanna be stuck in the same place I was last year. Read along to see what my Mindfulness Coach said that sparked me into action.

So have you ever been heavily convicted by someone else’s words AND it's literally a reiteration of a series of conversations that you've had in your head and/or aloud with yourself and all your personalites?

Oh, so now I'm the only one who has really n* word convos with myself that are more like staff meetings and ehere the topic of the day is whatever is on my mind? 🧐

Ok....Yall aren't real. Maybe it's just me.

NO but has the conviction of someone's posts, or words resonated so loudly that it prompted you to act and act like fast asf. I mean literally feeling as if you need to take immediate action. Because what Im not going to do is......Oh you know how that goes.

What am I saying???

So go with me a little bit. As 2020 ended, it was the end of year 1 of the pandemic. All I could think about is, "when is this ish going to end. Can I stop wearing this mask? I feel like a ninja walking around fogging up my glasses, but I wont complain because I get to shop all day, work from home in my PJs and greet the delivery drivers at the door with all the stuff that I bought as if I don't know what it is and it's like Christmas all over again. I mean I had so many boxes in the basement, I literally coulda started a treehouse. ok, that's besides the point. LOL

I started thinking heavily about turning 39, and then 40 following quickly thereafter because I discovered something that I had never gotten before. like ever......I found like not 1, or 2 but 4 grey hairs. They are also front and center for all of the world to see. I mean you may as well stick a fork in me. Becauseeeee what...? Grey hair. Ummmmm You tried it life and Christen's body, because I didn't send for you, you can gladly return from the pit of hades from whence you came. TF?? Then my mom berates me and says, “don't pluck them or else they'll grow back and possibly come back with more.” 😳

I’m thinking to myself: ”Soooo, is this what I have to look forward to? This is life in my late 30s.“. You have me completely messed up.

So I got on social media in early 2021 (twitter and facebook) and I"m like bruh, this turning 40 shit is for the birds. I mean I was all of 38 and 3 months but who’s counting. I post something to the affect of, “does turning 40 hurt, what do I do, how do I live life, I need to have these kids (what kids like I had my eggs stored someplace to be insemanted any day now), I need to get my life.“ I mean full on drama. I went through tall the motions, you have no idea. I am melodramatic at it's finest. For those who do not know, It is true to Christen‘s fashion that I must freak out before I experience anythng b/c it gives me an advantage when the time comes. Like stuff sneaking up on me and ya girl not prepared......OMGGGG meltdown. Don’t you just love me. LOL

While on scrolling on socia media I see a specific post from one of my FB/IG friends who I've followed for years and is a certified mindset and mindfulness coach. Sis is very good at what she does and she posted something that really got my hamster wheels spinning.

"If you don't work towards your goals, you'll be in the same position next year as you are now"

Although it was an open ended statement it was a call to action for every cell in my body. Here I am getting grey hairs and I am just getting older by the day. Yes, I'm in my late 30s, but ultimately life is passing me by. What are we gone do, Sis?

So for weeks, the thought process of "what's my next move" sat with me, and it more or less kinda haunted me. One day, I noticed, Coach was offering mindfulness sessions to help with mindset resetting and shifting mechanisms. Considering all the freak outs I was having, I needed my girl aka Iyanla, Jr to “fix my life“ hell or at the very least my thoughts.

So I signed up for her course. That was Step number one. It really liberated me to start to find mechanisms that allowed me to stop dwelling on patterns in my life and accepting the things that I had in life and start creating the life that I want.

Now you would think that me being a life coach, I would be able to readily pull this information out of myself and incorporate it into my life. Wellllll, so we all know things that unless you take the time and frigging invest in yourself "it aint gone happen". There’s also the blinder factor that you have. You cant always see the error of your own ways. So there's that. Wherever you invest and put your money is where the magic and manifestations will appear (Good of bad)

So we worked together for a several months. Her exercises really started to become routine for me. I was coming alive again. I began to visualize again and there was so much freedom in doing so. I mean lets just call it what it is, I was and still am, her favorite client b/c even though it's like damn, I'm limiting myself and my life based on the thoughts and things that I'm doing, I'm also shorting myself a world of opportunities because I'm being complacent, scared, and just lazy with things that I know that I want to experience.

Thattttt Part. (So you'll learn that I'm very realistic with me and I have like this I must have a bottom line or it's like what was the point of all of this.)

Even within our sessions, Life threw everything including the kitchen sink at me. I'm likeeee ok Jesus. You tryna add to these greys?!? But I really did start to feel that the things that I wanted would allow me to be in a better position come 2022 b/c I refuse to lose and refuse to be in the same predicaments or get the same results that I have been getting over the years.

Lets hit the fast forward button a little so end of 2021 comes I turn 3-9. By now, I have eased into the fact that 40 will not defeat me. I am excited to turn 40. But before I get there, 39 is about to be STELLAR. This is my comeback year, my Jordan year, my reign, whatever you want to call it. like gworl, I ready for all the shenanegans to occur. I am with all the shits, I want to live life unapologetically, I want to be happy, I am just me and I'm taking all 39 years of wisdom and craziness and we gone enjoy the mess out of this year. Period. I mean that conference I had with myself was like oh girl, we got this.

I remember waking up Mid January 2022, opened my notebook and wrote down some declarations for myself. Afterwards, I made some goals, did my vision board for the year, and decided, ok, it's time to make some moves sis. You're doing this. You got THIS. I remember even texting my therapist on the weekend like OMG I feel hella empowered, I no longer feel restricted as if I‘m being held back.

She told me something that I'll never ever forget. She said "Christen, you're standing in your authentic power. I‘m so proud of all of your progress and you should be too"

Insert a floodgate of emotions, joy, excitement, nervousness. Until now, I've experienced several setbacks. It seemed as if, once I made a declaration, here came the big bad wolf of life to blow down every house I've made. (work with me yall, you remember how the story went. it's an analogy). As a young adult, I was like telphlon, you hear me. I was super resilient, untouchable, you dare tf not run up on me, Shit,I was giving life and probably ppl in my life hell. But I was living and doing it unapologetically. Welcome to my life circa 2007 - 2011 LMAOOOO I was in my prime and yeah you aint want the smoke b/c I wanted all the smoke and was fearless has hell. Ambitious. A wanderlust. All the things. lets face it, I've always been that way. Things just have a way of escaping you as time goes on.

In time, once my foundation started to be rocked by devasting news around 2015ish I just gave up on shit. Like ok, you got it. NEXTTT. so I let defeat discourage me when things didn't pan out. I’ve never been that person before. This was new to me and it had been a new cycle that I learned somewhere. I began to see I actually detest that frame of mind. However, complacency and just settling made me do that. uggggggh arrrrgh.

So here I am in 2022, making declarations of things that I'm going to do with my life, for my life, and really serious about it. the first thing I did was like ok, so save some money. Which meant my frivolous shopping habit and amazon packages had to cease but it was counterproductive to my new goals. To date Im still doing an excellent job. People that know me know I can tear a shopping cart up. I have no problem, hitting subbbbbbbmit. LOL. Yeah no, no packages unless it involves the goals Im working towards.

I am completely invested in my goals, because I decided to prioritize me. I wasn't focused on what I needed to do to make soemone else happy. I didn't feel inadequate. It's not about we, it's ME. I feel super confident in my decisions and my decision making abilities.

And when I tell you, everything that I have set out to do since Mid January has panned out for me. I mean God has totally had his hand on my back blessing every step, decision, and thought. Im like if nothing else, I am going in the right direction and Im not looking back except to track the progress and even then it's a glance, it's gratitude and then eyes forward b/c sis, hit the pedal, we got more ish to do.

Now that's a hell of an antedote to paint the picture of how the matters of your mind matter. You have to get to a healthy space mentally, physically, and spiritually and allow what's for you to unfold. It also requires you to be brave enough to recognize that you need to take the time and figure out what that means. Additionally, you should constantly ask yourself......what do you want.....and then go get it.

To simplify it.....literally that was it. What do you want.....followed by taking massive action. Opportunities will reveal themselves the moment you DECIDE to take steps.

If you know me you know I believe the power is in the decision. Ok, we will delve into that later. I don't wanna coach yall. I am preaching tho. Stay with me.....deciding is a powerful tool. So I encourage you to ask yourself those questions. Sit with your thoughts on the desires of your heart. Be sincere in your requests to God and allow it to happen.

Ok, that's alot but it's not, but it is. The truth of the matter is, many of us are like little control freaks and to satisfy this need we have to control everything in and around us. Oh but you don't though. Go find you some hobbies after you done said this is what I want and take small steps towards it daily. hell or big steps, you got it. It's your world. 👣👣👣👣

I am so grateful for people who say things that help challenge those demonizing, complacent ass thoughts of mine. You need to challenge yourself it's how you get to the next level. So thank you, Coach, you know who you are. As well as my therapist for listening to allllllllll of my shit and challenging those things that need to be challenged.

I leave you with this........What is it that you should be doing that will get you where you want to be if you're not satisfied with the direction of your life?

The time to start is NOW so that your past doesn't continue to keep you from progressing.

Til Next Time..........

XOXOOXOXOX 💋

Confidently Chris10